I found myself in a wild-eyed frenzy, gripped by the unrelenting need to possess the sleek and seductive Distil Wally wallet. But the cruel reality hit like a whiskey-soaked sledgehammer: this damned piece of minimalist marvel had no place for keys. What in the name of Hunter S. Christ was I supposed to do about the keys? How the hell would I carry them?

Simple. I wouldn’t.

The answer was clear, shining like a neon sign in a midnight desert: no more keys. I ripped out the old locks on my lab and home, replacing them with the seductive promise of smart locks. I knew the Schlage Encode Plus reigned supreme in this high-tech kingdom, but I wasn’t about to sink five hundred bucks into this mad experiment.

So, with the conviction of a lunatic on a mission, I delved deeper and settled on the Aqara U100, the scrappy runner-up in the cutthroat world of smart locks. At $189, it was a steal compared to the Schlage, boasting all the bells and whistles, plus a nifty fingerprint reader for that instant access.

Two weeks in, and not a single failure to report. The HomeKit integration purrs like a well-fed tiger, and the auto-lock feature is a godsend. I’m happier than a gambler on a winning streak.

To hell with those keys. Who needs them, anyway?

Details here.